Category Archives: Weak Recap

Weak Recap: Metalheads Anonymous

Hello and welcome to your daily MA meeting here at Dose of Metal. We are here to guide you, through group therapy sessions, from music for posers to music for true metalheads. Metalheads Anonymous is the only way to turn you into a headbanging, beer-drinking metal elitist.

The first item on the MA agenda is the weekly Weak Recap. If you want to look forward to become a metalhead, you have to look in the past how the metalhead elite has done it. And let’s face it, there is no better place to learn of metal than at Dose of Metal.

So let’s get it started, shall we? Go ahead and make the jump.

Weak Recap: Pop a recap in yo ass, fool

Yo yo. From the slums of Shaolin, Dose of Metal strikes again!

We from the streets, yo. Break yo’self!

This Sunday, takin’ on the events of last week, straight from the ghetto — word up.

Sorry guys, just really tired and uninspired, so I went with a ‘street’ approach, just to relate to hip-hop fans who might be magically lost here. Make the jump and see what happened this week.

Weak Recap: Just the two of us

We haven’t done a recap the last two weekends, mainly because we’re lazy as shit. But this Sunday we’re back, with a vengeance! Unfortunately it’s just Mark and I, so we’re gonna make this pretty lame.

A lot has happened in the past week. We’ve had some contests, begged people to write for us, even got one to actually write for us, that sort of thing.

This is me interviewing Mark, just Mark, no one else but Mark. I’ll stop now, before I start sounding like a Will Smith song.

Make the jump and witness the Gods of metal blogging talking to each other.

Weak Recap: Overdose impossible

It’s not possible to overdose on metal. That is a fact but it’s a class a drug which turns you into a junkie quite fast. You started with weak drugs like alcohol, cannabis or Slipknot but after a while you can only get high on cocaine, Cannibal Corpse, the heavy shit.

And we here at Dose of Metal are your dealers. We don’t even charge you for your daily dose of metal. We love this drug so much that we’re giving it away for fucking free. It’s impossible to overdose, so you might as well get high all day, everyday.

We have been dealing out metal for a full year now and we won’t stop until the whole world is addicted because, let’s face it, there is nothing better. For a little taste of our product, make the jump where I talk my fellow dealers about the past week and our greatest deals.

Weak Recap: We be recappin’

Last week, poor Simo had to do the weak recap all by himself, which is very reminiscent of his sex life (or mine).

But don’t worry, this week Alex comes to the rescue and interviews him. Are we gonna gay it up? Yes we are.

Make the jump and see just what happened last week, and how badly did we cover it with our shitty writing?

By the way, that’s a photo of my girlfriend above. I know she’s not a looker, but she has an awesome personality.

Weak Recap: Solo style

Hey, it’s another Sunday, and you know what that means, time for your favorite weekly interview. The one we do with each other.

Except, you’re not getting one.

Apparently, other people at Dose of Metal obviously have this thing called “life” and they’re too busy with their “girlfriends.” You know where that leaves me? Same place I was last week — alone in the room, wishing I had enough money to buy myself a plastic one.

I’m just kidding, blow up dolls are for pussies, real men pleasure themselves. And by that, I don’t mean I can reach my penis with my mouth. I just make the best use of my hands. Speaking of my hands and wonderful results, make the jump to read my solo recap.

Weak Recap: We be winning, playa

It’s no secret that we’re amazing, and we’re pretty modest about it, too. I mean, the rest of the guys who write for this site aren’t really that awesome, but compared to your boring ass, they’re Gods. I, on the other hand, am absolutely sublime. I truly believe a few decades from now people will be quoting my posts and giving them as examples of literary genius.

So why would I, of all people, interview the other writers for this site? Isn’t it a bit like Mozart interviewing Linkin Park? Yes it is, but unlike Mozart, I am pretty humble. And good looking.

Anyway, make the jump and read my interview with some of metal’s worst writers… Ever.

Weak Recap: Survivor

We dedicate this one (the song above) to Mark, because he managed to survive living in the urban jungles of UK. Oh, how the tables have turned, we finally get a chance to make fun of his country.

All kidding aside, we’re glad the week is over, and everyone (that matters to us) got through it safely. It was tough, but at least it got us another Weak Recap to look forward to. Not to mention all the cheap Macbooks the staff will be getting quite soon. Can’t wait to go to the nearest Starbucks and look all smart and intellectual while I write shit on this website.

There are no Starbucks in my town, so the joke is on me, in the end, but guess what I have? Electricity? Sometimes. I have loads of fucking wit and a sharp-tongue. Combined with the other editors at Dose of Metal, we form a Mega-Zord. A Mega-Funny-Metal-Zord. Read on!

Weak Recap: Weak Aside

When you’re writing for a metal blog, you’re more informed about what’s up in the metal world than the average Joe. You’ve got to, to keep your blog up-to-date. That has its ups and downs. On the one hand, you get to know more about your favorite musicians — and sometimes even insider knowledge, through friends you’ve made within the business. On the other hand, you sometimes get to know stuff that you didn’t even want to know — and you have to keep up with bands that you actually don’t give a damn about or even dislike.

Every once in a while, something really positive happens to you. One of those bands, you’re bound to cover because of their standing in the rock/metal world, a band that you can’t stand at all, gives up and calls it quits. It’s a downside being turned into an upside, because now you don’t mind writing about that particular band anymore. They split-up, time to celebrate that.

In case you don’t know just what the hell I am talking about: Disturbed aren’t disturbing us anymore and I would like to dedicate the above song to Draiman and his puppies.

That’s just something I had to get off my chest and I would also like to take this opportunity to make “breaking-up” a topic for this week’s Weak Recap. Make the jump to see us celebrating the death of a horrible band. Disturbed are dead, long live Dose of Metal.

Weak Recap: Simo’s back!

You guys remember Simo, right? He took a two-month break from the interwebz, to see if this ‘real life’ thing is as good as people say it is. Once he realized talking to a girl in real life is not as easy as on Facebook, he came back. With a vengeance.

Okay, so maybe not with a vengeance, but he came back. And now I get to interview him, which is not an honor and a privilege.

We’ll talk about a lot of things, a lot of boring things, so I’m not gonna lie to you… It will be a pretty boring article, so don’t bother reading this further. It will only make you waste a lot of valuable time.

But if you’ve got nothing better to do, make the jump and read what two people who rarely get laid (and when they do, it ends in tears) have to say about this past week’s articles.

Enjoy! (you won’t, trust me, but I like being optimistic)