Weak Recap: Solo style

Mouthful of metal

Hey, it’s another Sunday, and you know what that means, time for your favorite weekly interview. The one we do with each other.

Except, you’re not getting one.

Apparently, other people at Dose of Metal obviously have this thing called “life” and they’re too busy with their “girlfriends.” You know where that leaves me? Same place I was last week — alone in the room, wishing I had enough money to buy myself a plastic one.

I’m just kidding, blow up dolls are for pussies, real men pleasure themselves. And by that, I don’t mean I can reach my penis with my mouth. I just make the best use of my hands. Speaking of my hands and wonderful results, make the jump to read my solo recap.

Mouthful of metal

Mouthful of metal

The week started with Metallica news, and we kept hearing more and more. First, we got more Lou Reed and Metallica news, when we discovered that the project is titled Lulu. Lulzu. Then, we learned some of the song titles. We also learned why James and Kirk cried like little girls. Twice. a short break from Lulu, we learned Dave Mustaine thinks the thrash supergroup he is practically begging to happen should be a charity project

Corey Taylor was also pretty busy. Dude went totally hardcore on our asses and did a cover of SpongeBob SquarePants theme song. Later in the week, he also went Captain Obvious on us when he announced that Slipknot will tour the States. And, just to ensure more Slipknot drama will happen, he announced he’s making another album with his other band, Stone Sour.

Speaking of drama, kids around the world couldn’t believe the news of Tesseract parting ways with their singer Dan Tompkins. Later they confirmed they’ve hired Elliot Coleman to replace him, djent kids around the world got their hearts broken, and many yawns at Dose of Metal were given.

Guido got to interview Toke Eld from The Cleansing, and that was the highlight of our professional work for the week. Also, Toke is a very nice guy.

We also learned Wayne Static is still alive, and still rocking his retarded hairdo. One thing I read on ThePRP’s comment section that kinda blew my mind, is that this guy is almost 46 year old. I mean just wow, that’s two years younger than James Hetfield, and he looks like a star of a live action Pokemon movie. Congrats.

I wrote a super awesome Tuesday Trivia about Nicolas Cage being metal. Not kidding.

We heard more Dawn of the Dead reboot rumors flying around. Not sure anyone gave a fuck this time around either. Also, Ozzy had some comments about his documentary, and Tony Iommi was also on TV, but neither said anything about the band.

Alex updated us on new bands and interesting meal ideas.

He also let us in on the business behind using licensed music (or not) in short films and small production projects. By the way, this one is also Metallica related.

Devolved lost their guitar player, and found a new one. Move along.

ZZ Top are apparently not dead. They get to live and see a tribute album made for them. Kinda makes us wonder if Black Sabbath have their luck (regarding life, not the tribute album) and if we’ll ever see them.

Animals As Leaders, also known as that band that every other djent asshole wished he could  be in, have a name for their new album. I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control, and I think I like it.

When it comes to new album names, Korn have also revealed their own. And guess what, it fucking sucks.

Slayer have their own condoms out. The only thing left for them to do now is release some Raining Blood tampons. Amon Amarth on the other hand settled for beers.

And finally, Alex made an awesome Friday Top 10 on popular metal videos on YouTube. It’s fucking awesome. And funny. And awesome.

That’s it, I’m done. Was it any good for you? Did I miss any of your favorite news? Like the new Bring Me The Horizon video? Aaaaw. Almost made me sad enough to post the link for you. See you guys next week when hopefully one of the other writers at Dose of Metal’s girlfriend starts blowing… out, so we can go back to interviews.


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