Tag Archives: Wayne Static

Wayne Static needs a new look

You know, all men want to be taller, but Wayne Static puts the ‘complex’ in Napoleon Complex, because that motherfucker’s hairdo is so meticulously done, I sometimes wonder how many gallons of hair product he uses daily. I wonder if anyone told him that having a 6 inch tall hairdo doesn’t make you 6 inch taller.

However, nowadays Wayne’s hairdo isn’t looking too impressive. I don’t want to use the b-word, but let’s just say that what was once a thick black forest, is now a bunch of scarce trees in a deserted part of Louisiana. He’s Devin Townsending so fast, it’s almost sad looking at him.

Wayne, it doesn’t look like hair anymore. It looks like a bunch of random spikes poking out of your scalp. You might want to consider the Anselmo look. If you weren’t fooling anyone before with your extra hair inches, now the illusion is really failing.

Watch this interview with him and see that mess in action.

Wayne Static married a porn star

With regards, Captain Obvious.

Seriously though, we fucking get it. Your wife used to be a pornstar. It only took about ten songs named after her, 20 songs about her, and 30 videos featuring her to get through our thick fucking skulls.

Anyway, if you have any desire to listen to a song by Wayne Static while watching him hump Tera Wray for about four minutes, Noisecreep premiered the video for “Assasins of Youth” today. The closest thing I can compare this video to would be Marilyn Manson‘s (s)AINT, but where Manson tries way too fucking hard to come across as shocking and intelligent, Wayne tries too fucking hard to come across as shocking and funny.

And finally, about the song… Let’s do a little experiment. Before you hit that play button, stop for a second, close your eyes and imagine what a solo song by Wayne Static might sound like. Hit play. You will shit bricks.

Weak Recap: Solo style

Hey, it’s another Sunday, and you know what that means, time for your favorite weekly interview. The one we do with each other.

Except, you’re not getting one.

Apparently, other people at Dose of Metal obviously have this thing called “life” and they’re too busy with their “girlfriends.” You know where that leaves me? Same place I was last week — alone in the room, wishing I had enough money to buy myself a plastic one.

I’m just kidding, blow up dolls are for pussies, real men pleasure themselves. And by that, I don’t mean I can reach my penis with my mouth. I just make the best use of my hands. Speaking of my hands and wonderful results, make the jump to read my solo recap.

Wayne Static is super creative

What you can see above is a clip from Wayne Static‘s solo effort titled Pighammer. Besides the guitar tone and riffing being reminiscent of a Wisconsin Death Trip b-side, he was also very creative with the video. In case you missed it, he has something that looks like a hammer, and the girl has a pig nose sewn onto her face. Mind-blown. The girl is his wife, and his wife is a porn star, so maybe it’s just their little joke? “I’ma pighammer yo face, gurrrl” or whatever. Dick-blown.

I can’t be really too judgmental of the song, though — I’ll save that for when the full video comes out and his screeching vocals kick in.

Friday Top 10: Best hair styles

Yup, you read that right, we’re changing shit up a bit this week, we’re going fashion conscious on your asses. Forget Vogue, it’s time for Dose of Fashion! Don’t worry though, you know this is Dose of Metal really and we’re not about to sell out (well, not unless it’s going to get us millions like Metallica).

Ok, so it’s a little vain, but here we are. We’ve done best tattoos and best looking guitars, so why not best looking Metal hair? Get your Friday Top 10 after the jump!