Friday Top 10: Popular metal videos on YouTube

Hi. So what I did was, I searched for ‘metal’ on YouTube and then sorted the results by view count. I got a lot of random results that had nothing to do with metal/rock music at all, which I’ve removed, and then I was left with the 10 most popular metal videos.

Well, technically it’s the top 10 most popular search results for the keyword ‘metal,’ but you get the point.

Is this an educated study of heavy metal popularity and a thorough analysis of viral videos within the very same genre? LULZ, get real, dumbass — this is Dose Of Metal. I just clicked a few buttons on that crappy video site and then made an article out of it.

Make the jump and witness the mediocrity.

#10 – Death Metal Rooster

This is actually a great video, I laughed the first time I saw it, laughed some more today when I saw it again. It’s the perfect viral video and it’s a breath of fresh air from all the ‘auto-tune cat’ or whatever people come up with these days.

Rooster’s got some pipes. He should be Anthrax‘s next singer.

#9 – Black Veil Brides – Perfect Weapon

I didn’t know there were bands gayer than H.I.M. I stand corrected.

To be honest with you, this song has a pretty nice sounding solo. The chick who plays it knows her stuff. So does the chick who sings.

#8 – As I Lay Dying – Through Struggle

As I Lay Dying is a great band if you enjoy vocals reminiscent of beheading videos.

I guess that’s where they got their name from, eh?

#7 – Heavy Metal Cats!

Just by watching this video, you realize that whoever came up with it tried hard to make a viral video. I guess he succeeded – that’s right, right off the bat I assumed a man was behind it. Why? Cause it’s a music video, not a sandwich. ZING.

Anyway, everything reeks of ‘trying too hard.’ Are they trying to sound like Metallica, by the way? No way does Jame sing that good.

#6 – Manowar – Die For Metal

Die for metal? More like die for leopard. Get it? Cause they wore spandex with a leopard design on them. <insert awkward pause>

Yeah, not much else to comment, really, I am not into dressing up as Tarzan but to each his own.

#5 – Tenacious D – The Metal

Guys, great comedian, great actor, great musician. Jack Black is none of those things.

I don’t find Tenacious D funny and I couldn’t sit through their movie. I don’t hate Jack Black, I actually found him funny in a couple of films, but there’s something about singing ‘doodle dooo’ and pretending that’s funny doesn’t quite rub me the right way.

Ya feel me dawg? A’ight yo, peace!

#4 – AC/DC – Back In Black

A song that needs no introduction from an album that needs no introduction. All from a band that everyone and their fat dying-of-cancer grandmother have heard of.

This song rocks so I just can’t fault it in any way, so let’s just move along…

#3 – Cannibal Corpse – Make Them Suffer

‘Make Them Suffer’ is not only the title of the song, but also Cannibal Corpse’s mission statement. They do make me suffer with their music. Quite a lot, actually.

#2 – Amon Amarth – The Pursuit of Vikings

They’re pursuing vikings? That sounds a bit gay, to be honest with you. I know I’m probably gonna get a lot of shit from metalheads for making fun of Amon Amarth, but when you’re ‘singing’ (and I use the term singing very, VERY loosely here) about pursuing blond, muscular Scandinavians, your whole macho credibility goes right down the toilet.

Speaking of toilets, the vocals sound a bit like a toilet being flushed, amirite?

I keed, I keed. Don’t kill me.

#1 – Skid Row – I Remember You

Skid Row ‘remember you’ but I hardly remember them. I know the lead singer is friends with Axl, and I remember them having a BBQ with Pantera at a gig (it’s on Pantera‘s home video, if you haven’t watched that yet, you have failed as a human being).

Funny how the number one spot goes to a song that is not metal at all, but that’s how the interwebz works, I guess.

I bet you were expecting something like Six Feet Under for the top spot, but all you got was Axl’s sloppy seconds. PWND.

So that’s about it… I apologize for this very weak Top 10 but hey, it’s the best I can do. You want quality journalism? Get a magazine or something, hipster.

Have a great weekend guys.