15
May

Weak Recap: Yes we can, bitch!

A few months ago, I had a dream. A dream that we could recap our weeks on Sunday without falling in the blog cliche of just making a list of some of our articles. And my creativity and my egomania had sex and came up with the offspring that is The Weak Recap.

Basically we recap the week by interviewing each other. It feeds our egos and it’s letting you know how awesome we’ve been the week before.

So now it’s my turn to interview NFL legend, influential guitarist and all-around amazing metal bloger, Simo. After the jump.

The sight Simo wakes up to each morning... All because of Dose of Metal.

 

Alex: Hi Simo, how are you? I’m gonna give you a minute or two to finish ‘using’ the photo above.
Simo: I was fine, but now that I’ve seen the photo, I’m awesome. I can’t guarantee I’ll be focused for the rest of the interview, though.

Alex: Okay, now that we got over that, what’s up with you?
Simo: Something’s up, hint-hint. On the somewhat more serious side, this photo got me wondering, imagine Jesus with these 12 as his sexy apostles. I bet he’d wouldn’t finish on that cross if that had been the case.

Alex: Enough small talk, bitch. Let’s get to it. Jamey Jasta streamed his new song. Did you listen to it?
Simo: Actually, no, I haven’t, but Guido says it’s good, and he’s metal as fuck, so I’ll just repeat whatever he had to say. Also, South Park own, Metallica kinda sucks and weed is amazing.

Alex: Zakk Wylde leaked his full album. That’s pretty nice of him, wouldn’t you say? Too bad it’s Black Label Society we’re talking about here.
Simo: He somehow doesn’t seem to me like the kind of guy that would use a computer. Or English language in a not horrible way. That really must be the dumbest album title I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Alex: A Perfect Circle still exist. I’m looking at their photo and all I can think of, they need to get their own show on E! where they talk about fashion and makeup and celebrity wardrobe.
Simo: Yeah, I already see it, Maynard also using the opportunity to plug his wineyards. It could be Sex & The City, revisited. They look hotter than the original crew anyway.

Alex: Slipknot’s Clown is on Facebook now. Did you friend him?
Simo: I’ve entered Clown in the search field, but I couldn’t find him. It seems there are almost as many clowns on Facebook, as there are people in Slipknot.

Alex: Did you friend me?
Simo: I’ve had the privilege to, thanks sweety.

Alex: Can you play guitar like James Hetfield?
Simo: No, but I ordered the pickups, so I’m hoping I will very soon. I’ve never played a guitar before, but I have faith that things will somehow sort themselves out.

Alex: Metallica would put their name on anything these days, except an actual metal album. Why is that?
Simo: Because albums don’t sell, and unless people find a way so I can download those pickups, yeah, they’ll sell anything and everything else.

Napster bad!

Alex: I stole Tuesday Trivia from you this week. Did you a) get upset, b) feel honored cause I was involved or c) made a shrine for me?
Simo: All three in the order you wrote them in.

Alex: I wrote a big ass rant on AC/DC’s comments on American Idol and it didn’t seem to get noticed. Did you read any of it? I think it’s amazing (like anything I write/do)
Simo: I read it, and yes, it was amazing as expected. Talent is talent regardless of where it comes from and how it gets noticed.

Alex: What’s your opinion on American Idol, strictly from a musical point of view? Do you think it’s fair for an AI contestant to be up there in the charts with ‘established’ artists?
Simo: Haha, why the fuck not? Don’t tell me shit like Ke$ha or whatever the fuck that thing is are established and/or artists. Half the things on charts are manufactured anyway, at least the people on American Idol are aware of that and they have to try way harder to prove they earned their 15 minutes.

Alex: Speaking of American Idol, Steven Tyler has the same problem I have… He keeps hearing stories about how big his penis is… Unlike me though, he denies them. Thoughts?
Simo: Talking about Steven Tyler in any context possible always comes down to one thing: That guy has the biggest fucking mouth in the world. Those are my exact thoughts.

Alex: Guido likes dubstep. I don’t. Do you?
Simo: I’ve never heard any of it before, but I didn’t find the track too bad. Korn have done worse. Come to think of it, that isn’t really saying much in their defense.

Alex: I can’t stop staring at the photo from this article. BRB.
Simo: God damn you, I’m at my friend’s place and I have to find a way of not looking at it. I found that looking at that photo of Steven Tyler instantly helps.

Alex: London is fucked. First the royal wedding, now this… Wouldd you ggo to a Puddle Of Mudd concert?
Simo: Not even for a million dollars. By the way, if any members of Puddle Of Mudd are reading this, a thousand will do and you’ll get a kickass review on this site.

Alex: Mark got romantic on our asses with this week’s Friday Top 10.  Are you romantic?
Simo: Sure, I always pay the cab when I kick the fat chicks out of my house the morning after we hooked up. They love it.

Alex: Is your girlfriend imaginary or theoretical?
Simo: Would a girl with three boobs and two vaginas be possible even in theory? If not, then imaginary.

Alex: We should all go on the Kiss Kruise!!!111one
Simo: Yeah, that’d be amazing! I can’t wait for the disco themed Kiss night!

Alex: I took over another feature this week. What do you think of my pick for the Video Of The Week?
Simo: Damn, you were busy. Or the rest of us were just too lazy. The video was like mega cool, you can never have too many Dave Mustaines.

Alex: Did you have fun while answering these questions?
Simo: Sure. Do send me that picture in high res, please.

Alex: Are you excited about next week where you’re gonna interview me?
Simo: I’m excited as a school girl walking into a stranger’s car. It’s gonna be fucking hot.

Alex: Bye!
Simo: Bai!


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