Listen to the new Cavalera Conspiracy album

One question: When the hell did both Cavaleras get so fat? Seriously, it looks like Max had seven dinners (Get it? Because he’s wearing a shirt of Possessed’s ‘Seven Churches’! Oh… AHAHAHAHA I’m so funny).

Moving on. You can now stream the new Cavalera Conspiracy album ‘Blunt Force Trauma’ on the German Roadrunner Records site here. Listen to it or don’t. What do I care? I’m listening to the special edition of Amon Amarth’s ‘Surtur Rising,’ which I got earlier today. I haven’t listened to the new Cavalera Conspiracy but it can’t be as good as the new Amon Amarth. It just can’t be.

Friday Top 10: Ugliest guitars

Guitars are beautiful and they make anyone look good. But what happens when some musicians get extremely ugly ones? Is it because they lack good taste or do they just want to stand out?

Either way, some guitars used by known musicians are atrocious looking, and that’s what this Top 10 is all about. Make the jump and let’s laugh at some hideous instruments.

Note: This top is based solely on aesthetics (it means ‘looks’ for all you SOAD fans). It has nothing to do with price, quality or the guitarists themselves. It is based on what I consider ‘ugly looking’ instruments.

Everybody on? Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful.

*UPDATE*: Dear trolls and nitpickers, I have written my follow-up to this article: Top 10 Best looking guitars. Enjoy!

Metal jokes

No, this post isn’t about Korn (it could be, but they’re not Metal are they?), but about Metal inspired jokes. Everyone loves jokes right? Laughing is good, apart from when it’s about the size of my penis, so on with ’em.

If you have some jokes of your own, feel free to post them in the comments section. BTW, most of these jokes aren’t written by myself, because like Trivium, I can’t write my own material and just like to “borrow” other people’s shit. Anyways…

Why did Euronymous cross the road? He didn’t, Varg stabbed him in the head.

Funniest Metal joke? St Anger.

How do you know when its time to kick your drummer out? When he brings a song he wrote to practice.

How do you get a technical Death Metal player to slow down? Put sheet music in front of him.

Brad Delson (Linkin Park) and Brian Carroll had a guitar shredding show-off. The guy who lost would be punished by wearing a KFC bucket on his head for the rest of his life (Brad Delson facts)

Credit to some of these jokes go to the users over at the Ultimate Guitar forum. Now it’s time for you to share yours, so get to it.

Young kids and instruments

I’ve never heard such awful playing.  Is this supposed to be good? I guess so, since the title of the clip says ‘future star.’

I don’t even recognize the song. Or maybe it’s just an improv? Either way, it reminds me of this clip, only that guy kinda knew what he was doing.

My rating:

All aboard the Corey train

What did I tell you? Well, I told you a lot of things, but what did I tell you about Corey Taylor? Okay, a lot of bad things. Hint hint, read my last Top 10.

Anywho, Corey Taylor is starting his routine, pumping up the upcoming summer Slipknot shows. In a recent interview with somebody, he said he is “scared to death.” Of what exactly? Did he officially lose his balls and can’t sing Slipknot songs anymore? Is he scared he’s alienating his teeny pop audience by wearing a mask and hiding his pretty face? Nope. He’s scared to play with them because of the “emotion.”

“I’m scared to death. I’m nowhere near prepared for the emotion that’s going to happen. That first show is really going to be the test. That tour for the most part is going to be a test. It’s very hard, man… It’s still reverberating through my life… We’re coming up to the year anniversary of his death, and I still can’t [expletive] handle it.”

Oh [expletive] [expletive] Corey [expletive] [expletive] rubbing [expletive] monkey balls [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] in his face. We all know the emotion is going to be “Holy shit look at this money” and the test is going to be “Can I stand these guys enough to make another album with them?” and the answer will be “Yes.” You decide if it’s a good thing or not.