5
Jun

Weak Recap: First Class

Hey, guess who’s back, it’s those regular superheroes of the Metal community, Mark and Guido. Once again, we’ll be recapping what we’ve been up to this past week (usually a combination of sleeping, eating and masturbation – we all lead interesting lives here at Dose of Metal).

So, basically it’s that time of the week when someone massages my ego, I then in turn massage their ego, then they massage my… You know what, doesn’t matter. Make the jump to see my awesome interview with the awesome Guido.

Guido, he's a regular superhero

Mark: Hey man, how’s your week been?
Guido:
Can’t complain. I mean, I could complain but it wouldn’t change a damn thing, would it? Oooh, that’s deep.

M: Are you as excited as me, at the prospect of being interviewed by me? I know I would be if I was you, and you were me, and I was being interviewed by me.
G: Wait, what?

M: Do you think that last question confused any of our readers?
G: It confused me. I am you? Are we one? How did that happen? What the hell is going on here?

M: So, I started this week with a dose of Strapping Young Lad. Is there any better way to start the week, other than with a Sasha Grey film and a box of tissues?
G: So what are we talking about now? Strapping Young Lad or Sasha Grey? Did I miss something, did Devin Townsend work with Sasha Grey? I mean, it wouldn’t surprise me, Devy can turn anything into gold. Even a shitstorm. Ha, get it?

M: Speaking of Sasha Grey, here’s an important question. Who’s hotter; Sasha Grey or Vikki Blows?

G: Simony Diamond.

M: So back to the Metal questions… Lulz just joking, this question is about Korn. Apparently Korn aren’t Stillwell fans (Fieldy’s side project). Is anyone?
G: Stillwell? More like stillborn. I haven’t checked them out, to be honest. And I won’t.

M: In other news, Anthrax reviewed their own album, which is due for release in September. As the biggest Anthrax fan here at Dose of Metal, how excited are you for the new album? Got any thoughts?
G: Extremely. Despite all the drama, and that I’d actually prefer Worship Music with Dan Nelson, I still am very looking forward to it. They’re fucking Anthrax and it took them three years to record the album, they just have to deliver something epic.

M: A few covers have been posted this week. Enslaved covered Led Zeppelin and King Crimson, and Trent Reznor also covered Led Zeppelin. Did you check out any of the covers, and if so, what did you make of them?

G: I don’t like Trent Reznor nor King Crimson, and here comes the tricky part, I don’t like Led Zeppelin either. Sure, they influenced a great deal of now legendary bands and I’m not trying to shit on their legacy but I’m a Lynyrd Skynyrd guy. But I’m beating around the bush, I didn’t listen to any of those covers. Sorry 🙁

M: So apparently Mark Hunter of Chimaira is pretty damn happy. Are you pretty damn happy too?
G: I am because I don’t have to listen to the new Chimaira stuff. ZING. Nah but seriously now, if being happy makes him create better music, then I’m all for it.

M: This week you introduced us to some brilliant wood burnings by David Thompson. I really enjoyed the feature. Which is your favorite piece by the man?
G: I love his take on the old, Barnes-era Cannibal Corpse logo. But I’d have to say that his tribute to Dimebag is my favorite. He should do the Bloodbath logo, that would rip.

M: Last week I confessed my love for Japanese Siamese twin midget porn. Do you think we got any complaints? I hope you’re still listening to me and not browsing any porn Guido. I promise I didn’t get side tracked at all when I mentioned Sasha Grey…
G: Funny how we’re the first website to show up when you Google Japanese Siamese twin midget porn. We should try to cash in on that.

M: Late this week, we found out that Alice in Chains tribute singer Sully Erna makes people cry. Any thoughts?
G: I wonder how many people committed suicide after listening to his album.

M: A Friday Top 10 on most influential Metal bands and Linkin Park aren’t number one? What the fuck were you thinking?

G: They made Kerrang’s list and I didn’t want to be a copy-cat.

M: But seriously, I loved your top 10 man! I pretty much agree with your list, although I’d personally place Judas Priest slightly higher. Also I think Dose of Metal should have been number one, even though we’re not a band, but we’re just that amazing. Am I going to be crucified for insinuating that we’re bigger than Black Sabbath?
G: Thanks a lot and we are bigger than Black Sabbath. We are bigger than The Beatles. We are bigger than Jesus. We are Jesus! Bow down, motherfucker!

M: Bret Michaels vs Nikki Sixx: Who would win in a fight?
G: Kat von D.

M: I’m running out of ideas for questions to ask you. Got any ideas?
G: Any ideas for questions? Is that how an interview works? “Hey I don’t know what to ask, what do you want to talk about”? I’m at loss for words.

M: Know anywhere where I can get a girlfriend?

G: Mötley Crüe.

M: Know anywhere where I can get a penis enlargement?
G: Ask Tommy Lee.

M: Ok, that’s me done. Got anything left to say to our readers?
G: Check out this pretty rad guitar cover of ‘Phantom Of The Opera,’ it’s pretty sweet.

M: Thanks man, it’s been a pleasure. See you around.
G: Anytime. Goodbye, my sweet love.


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