Tag Archives: Mark Rants

Metal goes gaga

If, like me, you’re actually a closet Pop fan (I’m also a closet homosexual, but now’s not the time for that), you may just enjoy this Metalized cover of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance by a band known as Leander. I’d love to say I actually know who they are, BTW, but I don’t. In a perfect world, I’d know who Leander are, and not who Lady Gaga is, but oh well.

In other news, I’m still hoping Lady Gaga will join Anthrax.

That’s not Metal!

Two bears have an intelligent and well-informed debate regarding whether Bring Me The Horizon are Metal or not.

That’s all well and good, of course, but who gives a shit about Bring Me The Horizon? I’m just still waiting for the Metallica edition. I’ll be honest though, I only posted this because the bear in the gimp S&M outfit turns me on.

Source: Metal Hammer

Dose of – Heaven Shall Burn

Who are Heaven Shall Burn? I hear you cry. Only one of the finest Metal bands to come out of Germany in recent years, combining an aggressive, yet melodic sound that succeeds in standing out from the many other Melodic Death Metal and Metalcore bands of the last decade.

Once again, here I am saving you the 5 minutes it would take to Google the band, by posting my five top songs right after the jump. And by 5 top songs, I mean 5 random songs that kick major ass, as I’m way too lazy to actually think deeply about what my 5 favorite HSB songs. Regardless, Get on it after the wall of death. By which, I mean hurry up and click “continue reading.”

Dose of Love

So tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and you know what that means? That’s right, it’s the day I get to watch porn all by myself, all day. Wait… I do that every day.

So ok, Valentine’s day kind of sucks. If you’re single, you get it completely rubbed in your face all day long. If you’re in a relationship, you’re expected to actually pull of some fantastic shit to impress your partner, when actually, you’d rather be down the pub getting drunk with your mates. And then there’s the problems of when you’re in a relationship, but you’re not quite at that stage yet where you know what you to do for Valentine’s day. Do you just do nothing? Send a card? All go all out?

Fuck off, who cares? All I know if I love listening to some fantastic Metal music, regardless of what day it is. So let’s have some slightly Valentine’s day inspired Metal doses today. Don’t worry, you’re not going to get any Linkin Park crap here, I’m still going to be offering some real Metal, it’s just Metal songs about love.

Find out what I mean after the jump. You know you need your Metal dosage.

10 Metal genres in 3 minutes

Ever wondered what 10 sub-genres of Metal would sound like if they were all crammed together in just one, 3 minute original Metal track? No me neither, but the results are pretty damn nice if you ask me. It’s like having midget, mature,  teen, asian, soft hardcore pr0n all combined into one film. One word… Epic.

Well ok, I’m exaggerating a bit, but it’s still a fairly interesting piece of music. The track is an original composition and combines everything from Thrash to Death, to Metalcore to Black Metal. And thankfully, the creator was nice enough to omit Nu-Metal.  The intro reminds me of Skid Row‘s Youth Gone Wild, but don’t worry, it improves after that.

Friday Top 10: Ridiculous Metal Tatts

So last week I ran you through the 10 most badass Metal tatts around, but this week it’s time to look at the most ridiculous, stupid and downright hilarious tattoos that can be found upon the skin of Metal artists.

Will any be as bad as the idiot above with the Hello Kitty tattoo on his forehead? Find out after the jump.

Dose of Death

Why the cheesy image? Because I don’t take myself seriously, and neither should you. Welcome to my weekly feature where I’m normally drunk and/or hungover, and write some garbage about music in a way that makes me sound more knowledgeable than I really am. Or maybe I just fail at that..

The topic for this week: Death Metal. Admittedly, not my favorite genre, but one that fascinates me all the same. Death Metal is an extreme sub-genre of Metal (no, really?) that began in America (particularly Florida) in the 1980s. But I’m not fucking Wikipedia and this isn’t no history lesson, I’m just here for the music, and so should you be, so get your Death dosage after the jump. Don’t worry, an overdose won’t lead to death. Only awesomeness.

Friday Top 10: Badass Metal Tatts

Art is fucking awesome. Metal is fucking awesome. So do you know what’s just as awesome? Tattoos. Metal artists have some of the best and worst tattoos, so this week I’ll be listing the coolest, gnarliest and most iconic Metal tatts that I can think of. And then next week you can enjoy me listing some of stupidest tattoos around.

Until then, check out some badass Metal tatts after the jump.

Dose of Sunday Roast

Some of you regular readers may remember my Dose for Sunday article I posted a few weeks back, and today I’m doing something similar, but a little different. Imagine, if you will, it’s Sunday (doesn’t take much imagination, it IS Sunday), and your dear old Grandma is coming ’round for Sunday Roast. The only problem is, she’s a deeply religious woman that thinks all Metal music is the work of the devil and she wants to listen to some crappy Christian hymns that no one below the age of 50 can tolerate. It’s time for a compromise. Slap on some Christian Metal and she will love it*

Now don’t worry, I don’t have any agenda and I’m not trying to sell you any religious views. You also won’t find any P.O.D. crap in this article. This is just all about me recommending you some decent new music to check out, all whilst slapping on some lame gimmick to make it sound more interesting than it really is. So get your Sunday dosage after the jump.

*Disclaimer – may not actually be true. But don’t worry, if it’s not, just tell her it’s your f’ing house.

Dose of the Nu

Nu-Metal isn’t exactly the most popular of genres. It’s the guy that never got the prom date, the girl that was still a virgin at 35, and the guy that was always picked last for sports. It’s the underdog, and in many respects, that’s exactly why so many kids identified with the genre. Let’s be honest though, the year is no longer 1999 and most of us have since grown up and realized the music was crap.

However, for every 1,000 misogynistic, shitty songs about sex, and every 2,000 songs about how much parents suck, there was at least one or two gems that actually stood out from the cesspit of a genre.

So, want to listen to 5 Nu-Metal songs that don’t suck (well in my opinion, feel free to disagree)? Then get your dosage after the jump. Before you do though, please realize that I don’t care who or what is Nu-Metal as I don’t even recognize it as a real genre. So don’t bother telling me that some a band is actually “Industrial Aggro Alternative Carnival Funk Grunge Metal” instead please, because not only do I not care, I also don’t care.