4
Nov

Friday Top 10: Worst grindcore band names

I respect your feelings as a woman.

This week we’re all about love death: Guido’s been keeping your daily dose of death metal on steady supply so far, and I’ve sort of touched on a “grind” subject in this week’s Tuesday Trivia.

I promised I might make a Top 10 out of it (any grind variation included), and I’m a man of my word. I’m also pretty lazy, so this turned to be the perfect Top 10 for me: it’s going to be short and disgusting. Read on.

#10: Anal Cunt

Anal Cunt - I Respect Your Feeling As A Woman

AC’s been featured on a similar Top 10 before, and since they’re sort of an obvious choice, they get the last place on this week’s list. Much like a lot of the band’s on this list, we know it’s a joke, but I have to wonder how writing it “A*** C***” on every goddamn place except for this blog has helped them in their career. Writing the actual name probably didn’t help much either. R.I.P. Seth.

#9: Anal Squirt Massacre

Anal Squirt Massacre - Squirt In My Face Baby

The band that won the ridiculous title of my last Tuesday Trivia gets the ninth place. Gotta give it to the guys, Anal Massacre would have been enough (and “tough” in some retarded way), but “Squirt” really makes it stand out. I mean that in the worst way possible.

#8: Cock and Ball Torture

Cock and Ball Torture - King Anus III (In Anus Domina)

Hey, this sounds like my successful night out, so these guys can get a pass. This German pornogrind band’s last album is called Where Girls Learn To Piss On Command. Awesome!

#7: Fallopian Breakdance

Fallopian Breakdance

Fallopian Breakdance

Kinda funny in an ironic way. Kinda. This grindcore band gets the seventh place.

#6: General Surgery

General Surgery - Aterial Spray Obsession

Seriously? Is that all they could come up with? Sounds like a name of an ER type TV show. You won’t be confused when you click that play button, though.

#5: Iwrestledabearonce

Iwrestledabearonce - Tastes Like Kevin Bacon

This band isn’t really grindcore, or anything else, really. They get the spot on this Top 10 for the sheer idiocy of the name. Intentional or not, it fucking blows. Bonus points for me for resisting the urge to write a pun without any spaces between words.

#4: Cattle Decapitation

Cattle Decapitation - A Body Farm

This one just seems lazy. I mean, really? Wouldn’t human decapitation be more shocking? Baby decapitation? Fetus decapitation? If you need a name for your band, just give me a call, I’ll come up with something.

#3: Spermswamp

Spermswamp - Fermented Anal Nectar

Coming at #3, it’s Spermswamp, with their hit song Fermented Anal Nectar. Classy.

#2: Rectal Smegma

Rectal Smegma - Menstruation Cocktail

Another band that made their moms proud is Rectal Smegma. Who can resist the charm of a song like Menstruation Cocktail? Ah?

#1: Intracerebrally Consuming Cephalalgia Through The Cranium Macerating Debrisfucked Manure Ingested Remains Of The Mindfucked Cataplexic Wicked Mankind Whom Fistfucked The Progenies From The Deepest Depths Of The Analmaggot Raped Human Pieces Of Erotic Shitmasses Which Gave Birth To Worthless Eunuchs As Travesty For Cumstained Whorefaced Sluts Enslaved By This Stupid Society Full Of Fetal Garbages

55Gore - Dismaying Display Of Hammered Hos In The Woods Of Festering Carcasses

What. The. Fuck. No, I am not fucking around — this band (often called 55 or 55Gore because that’s how many words they have in the name — I actually checked) actually exists. Well deserved first place.


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