Tag Archives: Asking Alexandria

22
Dec

This has got to be a joke…

Ever heard of Asking Alexandria? No, me neither, because like you, I listen to real metal — not whiny, generic ‘girly’ “metal” (metal put in quotation marks, because well, it’s not really metal is it?).

That said, forget Eddie Van Halen, forget Brian May, don’t even think about Dimebag Darrell, and make no mention of Tony Iommi. Why, I hear you ask? Because Alternative Press and their readers have decided instead that Asking Alexandria‘s guitarist, Ben Bruce, is the top guitarist of 2011.

Who needs shredding, creativity and alternating finger tapping, when you can just play open chords, power chords and the odd not-completely-predictable-at-all breakdown, right? If they say he’s the best guitarist, it must be true. Why would they lie?

You can listen to some shitty song by this shitty band above. I mean, only if you really want to.


26
Sep

What’s worse than a festival with Limp Bizkit and Staind?

Fred Durst (Limp Bizkit)

I know, a festival that also has Papa Roach, P.O.D, Puddle of Mudd, and… wait for it… Asking Alexandria! Holy shit, it’s like the 90’s and their metalcore bastard child decided to indulge in an orgy. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were there as well… If you got the Orgy joke, you get 5 points taken from your metal achievements scale.

I have no idea who came up with this brilliant joke fest, but I’m disappointed that they didn’t gas the place or something. I mean come on. Noisecreep has a review that sounds like it was written by a 13 year old girl who had a huge crush on Fred Durst back when she was young and stupid enough to be listening to nu metal, and you can read it here.

To close this pathetic article, I have a hypothetical: If I have a penis, but no one has seen it, does it exist? Having a sort of crisis here, would appreciate a word of comfort. I mean, my life’s already come down to writing about Staind on weekly basis, which is just one step above being in Staind.


17
Apr

Weak Recap: We’re amazing

This is our fifth Weak Recap, which means we ran out of writers to interview so I’m back interviewing Guido. God dammit. At least old man river up there approves.

In case you aren’t familiar with this recap thing, it’s a way for us to whore ourselves interview each other by recapping the week’s news. Pretty cool, right? Wrong… It’s lame and self-indulgent but hey, at least it’s original. Most other sites just do basic lists. Blah, we do shit properly, yo.

Make the jump and if you’re truly bored.


15
Apr

Ask Alexandria if she wants tiger blood

British metalcore band Asking Alexandria were asked to join Charlie Sheen’s ‘My Violent Torpedo of Truth’ tour.

Apparently their notorious partying ways caught the (tiger) eye of Sheen, who wanted them as his opening act.

The band, however, respectfully declined, as they have touring plans to stick to. They assured him that they also have tiger blood though, so I guess they should be best friends or something.

#winning


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