Metal just got its greatest journalist

Here I am, thinking I’ve seen it all. And I tried to spend the night browsing for some new beastiality clips, but I couldn’t find anything new. So I guess I did pretty much see it all… In my quest to kill a few minutes, I stumble on this gem on Reddit.

Meet Ezra, a 9 year old metal blogger. His favorite band is Iron Maiden, and he hates Reagan, and hippies, and Jesus. Seems a bit weird? Well, that’s him in the picture above, and I did start the article by mentioning beastiality. Now I’ve involved a small kid in the mix, so weird is an understatement.

But I digress. Over at his blog, you can read all sorts of awesome shit, like James Bond movie reviews, State of the day, and metal album reviews. Here’s a line from his review of Master of Puppets:

This is no album for wimps. This is a great album. My favorite part of this is the lyrics ” the weak are ripped and torn away…” That’s awesome. What makes it awesome is how James Hetfield sings it. It is also about batteries.

This is the style of writing we at Dose of Metal are aspiring to achieve one day. This kid > everyone.

Friday Top 10: YouTube cliches that need to go

It’s hard to picture the internet without YouTube nowadays, but it’s pretty shocking to think the site was started in 2005. Do you remember what it was like before? Usually idiotic streaming via Windows Media Player that took forever and looked like shit. Before that you simply had to download the clips.

Now YouTube is the third biggest website in the world (after Google and Facebook) and it seems like the internet is just dominated by embedded YT clips. But what does this really mean? It means A LOT of idiots have access to it thus we have a lot of crappy videos and retarded comments. I remember the day when people with two digit IQs couldn’t even turn on the computer. Now EVERYONE has internet access, and most people are pretty stupid so you get the idea…

Anyway, I’m gonna list the top 10 most annoying YouTube cliches. Granted, not the most ‘metal’ of articles but hey, these apply mostly to music videos and they can be found on metal videos so you elitist metalheads will be able to relate.

The Big 5: New school thrash bands

I think most of us can agree that thrash is an awesome genre, one of the best genres in metal.  I mean, you got Testament, Sodom, Exodus, Death Angel and obviously a lot more.  These bands released wicked albums 20 plus years ago and some of them are still releasing  quality albums. (Death Angel being the best today but that’s for another discussion).  Also, you can’t forget The Big Four, these guys are the reason why thrash metal is still a respected genre to this day.  Master Of Puppets, Rust In Peace, Among The Living, Reign In Blood, these albums are classics – not just in thrash, but in metal history.

But what about the new bands? Is there a new Big Four?  No, but I decided to list the five biggest new school thrash bands today.   Two of the bands are somewhat popular in metal already, the other three are up and coming and releasing awesome stuff.

So, if you’re someone stuck listening to the oldies (don’t worry, I’m not telling you to stop), then give some of the new guys a chance.

Make the jump for the Top 5 new school thrash bands.

I’d give my right arm for this tour

Till now, Def Leppard always got by on their own and they never really cared until they met them.

And now it chills them to the bone, how do they tour the U.S. alone? They don’t, cause they’re taking Heart with them.

Oh I crack myself up. Fuck you, it was funny! Hey, do you think they’ll make jokes like “This tour isn’t over until the fat lady sings… Oh shit, here she goes!”

Okay, that was mean.  Tour dates after the jump.

Consequences will never be the same

The internet trolls have dun goofed and Bumblefoot isn’t gonna let them get away with it. He’s obviously part of CTU or something because he knows his shit. IP scrambler? High tech shit, my man…

“Some trolls tried to get attention by starting rumors, as they had seen others get. I called a few out on it personally, smacked ’em down and their panties are still all bunched up over it, so they’ve been going to different GN’R fan sites, they create an account with an IP scrambler, post these fake stories, and then disappear.“

Read full statement here.

Sounds like a job for the Cyberpolice. All Bumblefoot has to do is backtrace it.

If you didn’t get it, these are all puns from an older viral video of a guy taking the internet seriously in a similar fashion.