Thou shalt not be bored by this boring rant

They say you’re only as good as the company you keep, so considering what my fellow DoM writers are like, I’m fucked.

But why do we run this site? Is it for the money? Not really, because we hardly make any… So if it’s not a job, what is it? A hobby? A way to kill time? An obsession? A little bit of everything?

I really don’t know, cause if I’m honest, I don’t even consider myself a proper metalhead. I hate a lot of metal subgenres, especially those where the vocals sound like a bear coughing up a hairball. So do I really love writing about metal? Nope. So why do I do it? I have no clue.

Now, don’t get me wrong, all of my favorite bands are metal, or at least WERE metal in the 80s, but I just don’t consider myself part of this metalhead clique. I shower, I don’t wear band shirts, don’t wear camo pants (unless I play paintball or airsoft with my friends, which is totally anti-metal in and of itself). My head is the only thing that looks slightly metal. Metal head. Get it? Fuck you.

Anyway, I hate going to the barbershop so I simply shave my head, wait for it to grow a couple of weeks, then shave it again, and so on. Sometimes I shave it with a razor.  I also wear a goatee. Most of the time, I sport the Phil Anselmo ’92 look (with a bit of his 2000 look, since I also drink a lot — and eat). So my head kinda looks metal, but that’s it.

So if I’m not a metalhead, what am I? I definitely hate most genres out there. I get mad at the term ‘nu-metal’ for having metal in it, which is dumb. It’s like calling Hitler ‘nu-tolerant.’ So I can’t pigeonhole myself into a certain genre or subgenre, I guess I just like music.

Then what the fuck am I doing on a site called Dose of Metal? Why am I not running a site that handles a bit more than just metal? It probably has something to do with the way we started this thing, so keep on reading to find out…

You'll never see me wearing this on a shirt

So around September of last year, my friend (and proper metalhead) Guido started annoying me on Twitter. See, the thing with him is, he is the real deal when it comes to metal. So I guess he always saw me as a guy with potential. “How can this guy love Pantera and not be a full-blown metalhead?” he probably thought to himself. So to this day, he keeps trying to get me into bands and I keep shooing him away.

Now, it’s not him — it’s me. It’s very hard for me to just listen to a song and start loving the band. I have the attention span of a housefly and the patience of a fat bitch on PMS on queue at McDonald’s. So you simply can’t get me into a band just like that. Ironically, I got into Pantera when another friend sent me the video to ‘Walk,’ but that’s an exception.

So, Guido devised this thing where he would find songs he thought I’d like and send tweets my way like “Daily Dose of Metal #5 for Alex: <insert youtube link of obscure metal band no one fucking heard of>.” He didn’t just do it to me, he did it to a lot of people.

I’m not gonna go into many details, but let’s just say that Simo, our other writer, thought it would be a good idea for Guido to take his annoying little e-hobby to the next level and just make a separate Twitter account. Guido complied and made @DoseOfMetal.

After being asked to ‘join the club’ and also tweet from that bullshit account, I told him doseofmetal.com was available, and that maybe we should just make a website if he’s willing to put time into it. A few hours later, the site was already up.

So I got thrown, head first, into a project I had no plans for. What to do? What to write? Why write anything? I didn’t know… So I started doing what I do best: trolling.

The thing about me is, I love making plans. I’m gonna start doing this, I’m gonna start doing that, come Monday I’ll go back to the gym, come January 1st I’ll start cleaning my house regularly, next month I’ll stop drinking, blah blah blah. I make plans and then just procrastinate till the end of time. Therefore the best way to go about things, with me, is to just wing it. Fuck thinking ahead, you want a site? You got a site. We’ll think of something as we go along.

Honest to Satan, this very post had no plan whatsoever. I wanted to rant so I just started writing, didn’t know I’d end up telling you the story of how we started this. I’m just a winger — probably why I love chicken wings. They go great with beer.

So next time you’re wondering why Dose of Metal isn’t Metalsucks, just remember we write posts where we use the Nyan Cat. And by the way, I really respect that site, but I barely get to read it. It needs more fart jokes. Those guys focus on writing, I focus on porn.

But don’t let anything I’ve written thus far fool you… Do I consider myself a metalhead or apt to run a metal site? No. Do I love writing for it, anyway? Hell yes.

Until next time I feel like boring you guys, take care… And go fuck yourselves.

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