26
Sep

I actually bought this crap: Staind

More than ten years ago, Nu Metal was at the peak of its popularity.  Kids everywhere were wearing backwards baseball caps and baggy pants, and instead of just whinging about their parents like the emo kids of today, they were full on breaking stuff (see Woodstock 1999).

At some point during this peak in popularity, a band that actually differed greatly from their contemporaries in Nu-Metal, Staind, burst onto the scene.  Note, however, that by “different”, I do NOT mean in a good way.  In addition, apparently they weren’t different enough to not follow the trend of taking a word, spelling it wrong and using that as the name of their band.

Somehow, and I have no fucking idea how they managed to pull it off, Staind  tricked people into thinking they were a cutting edge Metal band.  Read on after the jump to see what I make of the band.

Are Staind a cutting edge Metal band? No, in reality they are a manstream generic American pop/rock band comprising of a group of people that would make starving children of the Developing World seem cheerful in comparisson.

14 Shades of Grey is the third major label album by Staind and the first album I bought from the band (Yes, not only did I buy one of their worst albums first, I also didn’t learn my lesson).  Straight of the bat, 14 Shades of Grey is a perfect title for the album. I’m seriously surprised they at least managed to give it a good title, considering everything else about this band and album sucks so badly.  The album title is perfect, because the music that makes up this album, is the most self-indulgent, miserable, crap I have ever heard.  The only thing that would make the album title better, is if it were called 14 Shades of Shit instead. Hey, that would even make it a good use of alliteration too.

Other Staind albums aren’t much different.  I’m pretty sure every song is about being fat, old and bald, and as a result of being fat, old and bald, being depressed. It’s hard to say though, as vocalist Aaron Lewis’ moans without much care for clarity or pronunciation.  Every album from this band are generally a collection of songs that fall from the tedious tree.

Final Verdict: Staind, for the most part, produce pathetic, boneless music for sad sacks that find life itself a little too exciting.  It’s true that choosing between listening to Staind and watching paint dry is a little like choosing between limb loss and death.


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