My thoughts on: The Big Four tour

Before 2010, the thought of The Big Four touring together was almost a dream. Metal fans would have given their right testicle for something like this to happen. Now, a year after the first Big Four date was announced, people have taken it for granted and they’re just bitching, bitching, bitching and bitching.

I wonder why? Is it because most people are whiny and demanding? Yes.

Having attended two Big Four show last summer, and being the owner of a pretty awesome dick, I think I am more than qualified to comment on this thing and if you don’t like it, you’re probably a Justin Bieber fan.

So make the jump and read my thoughts on this whole thing. Hint: It’s gonna be insightful and amazing.

It’s Easter, I’m drunk and as I’m writing this, California is being rocked by The Big Four concert. In 2009 (or earlier), this thought was ludicrous. Now, it’s happening, AGAIN… Metalheads should be high-fiving each other all around but instead, they’re bitching like crazy and I don’t really know why.

So here are some general complaints I’ve heard from people about this whole thing, and I’m gonna address them all and point out why I think they’re invalid.

“Testament should be in this, <insert band here> doesn’t deserve to be!!!”

Listen, asshole. The Big Four is a nickname given to four specific bands. Without either of them, there is no big four. No one’s stopping you from checking out other thrash metal bands’ live shows. But when people say “Big Four” they automatically think Anthrax, Slayer, Megadeth and Metallica. Peri-fucking-od.

“Metallica are  not even metal, why are they in this?”

Read above. It’s because they are part of what’s considered “the big four.” If the tour was called “Subjective list of thrash bands I like” then yes, you could have your own bill for that. As long as the words “big” and “four” are used in that order, Metallica should be there. Besides, they play mostly old songs…

The band who wrote Master Of Puppets deserves to be there.

“Why are Metallica playing 2 hours and the rest way less? Not fair.”

I do agree that it is a bit unfair, but that’s how it goes at festivals. You couldn’t possibly have 2 hours from each band. That would mean the show starting at 7 am. Thus, Metallica, being the biggest band, are headlining this.

“I don’t agree with the order. Slayer after Megadeth? It is teh joke!1111”

I personally think this whole order debate at festivals is pretty stupid. It’s usually all about popularity but fans want their favorite band in the top spot. It doesn’t work like that! Besides, why do you even care? Frankly, I’d want my favorite band as early as possible so I can go the fuck home and not stand around for a whole day…

Also, if you don’t agree, just follow the band you love on their own individual tour and don’t bother with this. Everything has to be YOUR WAY for you to like it, right? Shit outta luck.

“<insert band here> suck now! I don’t want to see them”

Again with the biased shit. Don’t go if you don’t want to see them, or go spy on a hot chick’s porta-potty. No one’s saying you should witness the whole thing. It’s that simple.

“They’re playing too far from me. I’m not going until they play closer”

Good. Stay home and jerk off. It’s 2011, are people still thinking bands are spiting them when they’re not playing closer to their neck of the woods? It’s a business, they have promoters and tour managers trying to figure out the best locations possible. Guess what, with all the “They’re doing what? I’m not going lolz” attitude you’re actually making it less possible for them to add more dates. If everyone would just shut the fuck up, buy tickets, go and have a good time, we wouldn’t be in a position where a bunch of people have to mathematically calculate which city should play in.

“I’m not going! <insert excuse here>”

This is for all the other million excuses people use not to go. Nobody’s forcing you to attend. In my opinion, a true metalhead would not miss these shows. Even if you’re not a big fan of either bands, you should go. It’s a pretty important tour which you will be able to tell your grandchildren about when music will be all made on Apple pads, cellphones and computers (like it’s done now, for the most part) and the only live music you’ll be able to hear will be a guy with a laptop.

The music industry is going down the shithole but we still get a lot of amazing concerts right now. Don’t take it for granted, God knows what will happen to the touring world in a decade or two. Most of the good bands are old and most of the new bands are shit. Enjoy being born in the 80s and 90s, ignore the bands’ flaws and focus on their qualities: They kicked ass in the 80s and they’re touring together 30 years later. That’s metal poetry, don’t turn it into a bitching fest.

I was there. I saw this from a few feet away and it’s honestly one of my proudest moments, as far as concerts go. I’ve seen a lot of bands live, but seeing these guys jamming together was magical. You know why? Cause when I heard they’re playing together, I fucking got a ticket. I didn’t have time to bitch about Mustaine not sounding great, James using autotune or Belladonna having awful hair. I was way too busy enjoying myself — which is what music is all about.

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