Tag Archives: Simo Rants

24
May

Tuesday Trivia: Metal Terror

Counter Terrorists WIN... this round.

A few weeks back, Osama Bin Laden was killed in an action by an US army team. And while we wait for Disney to make a game out of it (fo’ real-real), I’ll be spending time answering the question that you probably have right now in your heads: What the fuck does that have to do with metal?

Well, make the jump, I’ll let you in on the secret.


14
May

14 minutes and 41 seconds of fame

What you have a chance to see right now is Vegan Black Metal Chef. Yes, this guy’s into black metal and he’s also vegan. So he combined his love for cooking and his love for makeup “brutal” “music.” Yeah, the blood he uses when he goes heavy on the corspe paint is 100% organic ketchup. Not black metal enough, because we all know black metalheads only use fresh lamb blood, but we’ll let this one slide for the lulz. The video just went over 500.000 (half a million for you slow people) views, so it’s officially viral, and trendwhores we are, we have to report on it.

I’ll be honest — I actually laughed, especially when he pulled out the knife to cut the tofu, but soon after that I lost interest. Why? Well, the clip is almost 15 minutes long, which is 13.5 minutes too long. Not that I don’t love me some black metal, and I see this picking up some followers, even though it’s just a metal (good) but very cheaper (bad) version of Epic Meal Time. Epic on the internet isn’t equal to epic in the hobbit land, which this guy clearly confused, and I honestly don’t see this working for other than one or two more episodes. But who knows, he could do guests. Celebrity Vegan Black Metal Chef with Immortal, sounds good, right? Not to mention it would also be the first time they (Immortal) would appear in a decent quality video.


26
Apr

Tuesday Trivia: Of skulls and bones

Dose of Metal writers are awesome

It’s Tuesday Trivia, almost Wednesday edition. So what do I have for you today?

Bones. Are they metal? Well, if you’re over 70, chances are that yes, they are, but we’re talking imagery here. If the most awesome site on the internet has a skull for a mascot (he’s called Bob by the way), and one of the most amazing writers has a skull sitting on his work desk (thanks Guido), it’s fair we I make an article about it. And it’s fair you make the jump.


10
Apr

Weak Recap: The Big Fourth

Jagshemash!

Welcome to yet another Weak Recap. Last week, Mark did me, so this week I’ll be returning the favor. We’re also taking turns interviewing each other. As usual, we’re looking back at the week’s most important headlines. Why? Because repetition is the mother of all learning. And it’s also a pretty easy way to make another post without being original at all.

Make the jump to get reminded of how awesome we were throughout the week.


4
Apr

Invisible Guitar Hero championship

Air Guitar

Here’s a guitar playing event made for people like me. When I say people like me, I mean people who can’t play the real guitar, and what’s even worse, suck at Guitar Hero as well. So, what is it? It’s the Air Guitar Championship! If you’re in Milwaukee this summer, be sure to check it out.

“U.S. Air Guitar is devoted to taking our nation’s unofficial pastime out of the bedroom and putting it up on the world stage,” said the World Air Guitar Association in a statement this week.

It will all go down on June 8 at 8 p.m., with advance tickets going on sale for $10 on April 8 and costing $12 on event day.

Don’t be fooled, though, just because there’s no real guitar involved, doesn’t mean it doesn’t take talent. It takes a lot of invisible talent. And if you’ve always wanted to impress some invisible chicks, this is your chance. Make the jump to see a video of the current air guitar champion.


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