Tag Archives: Ozzy Osbourne

9
Aug

God bless theater releases

The documentary (and unintentional mockumentary) “God Bless Ozzy Osbourne” will hit some theaters, but I have to be honest, I didn’t really read the whole press release. Bottom line is, a list of theaters is here. If you can get to any of them and want to, do it. If not, don’t. What do I care? I’m not your fucking mom.

I would like to see the documentary, to be honest with you, but I’m waiting for the DVD rip.

If it’s anything like the MTV show, it will bore me to tears. Could anyone actually watch that? I mean, I’m guessing a lot of people did watch it, since it was a hit, but I just never could sit through it. Even though it had all the right ingredients: Ozzy, who is funny. Fat kids fighting. Insight into what it’s like to be filthy rich. All that crap.

Apropos of nothing, I took three shits today, but no idea why. They were all small quantities, maybe I should start eating more vegetables. Eesh.

 


5
Aug

Eating bats is bad for your teeth

I’m here sitting in my hotel, having breakfast and checking the metal news, because a metalhead’s work is never done, not even when he’s away from home.

This is how you know you’re a loser, when even in a restaurant, you’re on your laptop, ‘blogging.’ But personal shortcomings aside, I ran across this piece of news about Ozzy which is pretty funny. Well, anything about Ozzy is pretty funny, including Ozzy himself (most of the time unintentionally).

So, two of Ozzy‘s front teeth fell out. I know, I know, I’ve only Photoshopped one, but it sucks making images on a dumb laptop, so you’ll have to bear with me.

Why did they fall out though? Bad hygiene? Too many bats? Sharon punched him? All of the above? I don’t know, and I don’t care, but every time I find a reason to Photoshop an Ozzy photo and make some bat puns, I do it. Even when I’m away.

So Ozzy, next time you try to bite the head off a flying mouse, at least chew some gum afterwards or something.


2
Aug

Tuesday Trivia: Metal games

Gamepad

Hey, what’s your favorite metal game? Mine include:

  • moshing with metal attachements on my boots
  • throwing a glass beer bottle at a concert behind me and seeing how many people bleed
  • kicking a wigger

I’m kidding of course. Except maybe for the last one. The games we’ll be covering today have nothing to do with concerts. In fact, they’re my favorite games — the ones that don’t make you leave the house. Make the jump and get familiar with some of the heavy metal video games.


15
Jul

Friday Top 10: Notorious acts

It’s a late Friday evening, which means whilst everyone else is out either getting laid or getting drunk, I’m once again stuck inside, writing for Dose of Metal and publishing this week’s Friday Top 10.

Metal as a genre is undoubtedly one that is full of controversies, stories of self-mutilation, murder, drugs and religious intolerance. Sure, these are often unjustified criticisms directed at the genre by conservative morons, and I am by no means trying to play into these idiots’ hands, but the purpose of this Top 10 is going to revel in some of the “edgier” sides of Metal.

So if you’re interested in reading about some of the more controversial, notorious and outrageous Rock and Metal acts, then just make the motherfucking jump.


8
Jul

The Prince of Darkness is richer than you

This is what Ozzy Osbourne drives. You’d expect him to roll around in a Batmobile type of car or something, but nope, he owns a Ferrari 458 Italia.

Being a Black Sabbath vocalist reality TV star sure pays well, huh?

I wouldn’t trust Ozzy on a bike, let alone a 568 hp beast. But hey, it’s not like he ever hit anyone or anything. Oh wait, yes he did. Shit.

This does beg the question, why is he driving around in a Ferrari and not in a Lamborghini Murciélago? Murciélago means bat in Spanish, so you know, seems a bit more fitting.

Anyway, if you live in the Los Angeles area and see a black Ferrari do what Mark does when he sees a girl:  RUN.


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