Weak Recap: Pop a recap in yo ass, fool

Yo yo. From the slums of Shaolin, Dose of Metal strikes again!

We from the streets, yo. Break yo’self!

This Sunday, takin’ on the events of last week, straight from the ghetto — word up.

Sorry guys, just really tired and uninspired, so I went with a ‘street’ approach, just to relate to hip-hop fans who might be magically lost here. Make the jump and see what happened this week.

The writers of Dose of Metal. Represent. X/

Alex: Hello. How is you?
Guido: Doing alright. Can’t complain much right now.

Alex: Are you honored that you’re getting interviewed by your king?
Guido: You are not my king! More like the king’s jester.

Alex: Let’s get started. Metallica’s concert in India will be aired on MTV. Are you looking forward to the rip? Do you think they’ll cover this song, for the event?
Guido: That is actually pretty racist. But sure.

Alex: Deftones will release some vinyls. Who are they, exactly?
Guido: Some pop band.

Alex: There is a God! System of a Down don’t have any immediate plans to start working on a new album.
Guido: Is that a question?

Alex: We have a new contest up. Five awesome shirts are up for grabs, all people have to do is enter their info. We’re fucking amazing, aren’t we?
Guido: Yes, and so are the shirts. I wouldn’t mind having them myself. Nice designs.

Alex: Simo wrote his Tuesday Trivia about the most metal sport. Have you read it, any opinions, and are you interested at all in it?
Guido: I read it, yeah. Bathory once wrote an album about ice hockey, I think.

Alex: This girl plays better than Kirk, does she not?
Guido: She’s good enough to replace him because she’s not as sloppy. And she has the girlish vibe you apparently need for that position.

Alex: Honda + Ozzy = car commercial. Thoughts?
Guido: Eh, I absolutely can’t stand children. They so aren’t metal.

Alex: Big non-metal news this week — Steve Job passed away. Do you think it was out of context to post about it on a metal site?
Guido: No, I think it was a nice thing to do. I bet quite a few metal bands work with Apple products when creating music. So it kind of is relevant.

Alex: You own a lot of Apple products, are you an Apple fanboy?
Guido: I actually don’t know if I am. I like my Apple products. Be it the iPod, iPhone or iMac (*wink wink* I don’t own an iPad, you people over at Apple). I don’t know if they are better than some other product that doesn’t cost as much. But I know that they are reliable and suit my needs. If someone else doesn’t care for Apple, then so be it. To each their own.

Alex: What’s your take on Apple haters? Surely diehard, biased Apple fans are also annoying, but the Apple haters are worse, right?
Guido: I think so, yeah. There are enough stupid fanboys who will like anything with the name Apple on it. But for each of those fanboys, there are two haters who will dislike it just for having the name Apple on it. Both sides are annoying but as someone who owns a few Apple products, I get mostly confronted with the haters. So they annoy me more.

Alex: New writer Travis wrote a pretty funny Biohazard post. Even Biohazard themselves laughed at it. Great start for this guy, huh?
Guido: Hey, I didn’t even know Biohazard replied to it. That’s pretty cool. And I really liked the post aswell. Keep it up, Travis.

Alex:  Mark went all retro and nu-metal-ish on our ass and reviewed Slipknot’s Iowa. Ever been to Iowa?
Guido: Haha, that’s a great question. No, I have never been to Iowa. I don’t really care to either. But with all this re-release crap coming our way, I listened to Iowa again some time earlier this week. It had a bigger impact on me ten years ago. Nowadays it kind of bores me actually. But I then listened to Mate. Feed. Kill. Repeat. again and I have some new found appreciation for that album. It’s not just that I dislike Corey Taylor nowadays, but I really think they were at their best with Anders Colsefni.

Alex: Another new writer, Harry Keogh, posted his second post about an Eddie contraption that is worth 2 grand. Would you buy it?
Guido: No, but I have Amon Amarth bobbleheads, that came with my special edition of Twilight Of The Thunder God. I doubt they’re worth that much though.

Alex: God made fun of Australia through a festival. Is it fair to give that awful lineup to such an awesome country?
Guido: I would like to go to Australia one day. All Australians are surfers and are surrounded by panda bears and kangaroos, right?

Alex: What countries should God make fun of next?
Guido: Zimbabwe!

Alex: Lady Gaga in Queen? WTF would she/he be doing in this band? I get that the previous performer was also sexually ambiguous, but this is pushing it.
Guido: Shit choice.

Alex: What did you think of my Friday Top 10? Ever encountered those obnoxious dipshits at a show?
Guido: Heh, I actually do some of those things myself.

Alex: Any last words for the people lame enough to waste time reading this self-indulgent crap on a Sunday evening?
Guido: Hello, lame people! My name is Guido. Blame my parents.

Alex: CYA
Guido: buh-bye.

© Copyright 2010-2024 Dose of Metal. All rights reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use