Teaser released for new Biohazard album… Evan’s penis not featured

Among the many disappointments of becoming an adult is coming to the realization that most of the heroes of your youth, especially the musicians, are actually ridiculous clowns in real life. Case in point: Evan Seinfeld.

I love Biohazard. OK, perhaps I should say that in the past tense since I only liked their first three albums, but they played such an important role in my musical adolescence that I am most definitely ‘Down For fuckin’ Life.’

After Biohazard’s success fizzled out in the 90’s, Evan landed a gig on the HBO prison drama series “OZ.” It was a great show, and Evan was passable in his small role; he even received a bit of notoriety for a few scenes that featured full-frontal nudity. Unfortunately, instead of trying to build a respectable acting career playing “Tattooed Thug #2,” Evan misinterpreted the attention he got for his penis as an invitation to show, and insert, said penis as often, and into, as many places as possible. For Evan, a career in porn was the obvious next step.

Clown Status = Achieved.

Evan’s penile pursuits couldn’t keep him away from his music, however, and the result is the forthcoming Biohazard album Reborn in Defiance. Sadly, despite Evan’s concerns that this new album is “almost too good”, he has since parted ways with the band. I imagine the break up was largely due to arguments about how prominent a role Evan’s penis would play on the album cover art and how many chicks he will bang in the accompanying music videos. The fact that this teaser contains NOT ONE SINGLE SHOT of his penis was probably the last straw for Evan and he had to get out while he still had his pride intact. I do wish him well in his future penis-related endeavors.

Reborn in Defiance comes out in January 2012 on Nuclear Blast Records and a North American label yet to be announced.

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