20
Jul

Metalheadlines: Kill me now edition

That photo above will give me nightmares for the following weeks. Boner killer.

Lady Gaga (pictured above) keeps trying to fool us into thinking she likes metal. She keeps using Iron Maiden‘s name, too, which is total blasphemy. We’ve heard your songs, bitch, the only thing metal about you is the cage I’d put you in, given the chance.

Devildriver‘s bassist, Aaron “Bubble” Patrick, was injured. I’m sorry to hear that, and I wish him a speedy recovery. But being the glass-half-full guy that I am,  I’m looking on the bright side: Their tour is on hold.

Gwar lead singer (and I use the term singer very, very loosely) got canned from Fox News because he pulled a stunt where he decapitated Sarah Palin, or something. Getting fired from that channel is a bit like getting fired as a janitor. If you’re not even good at the worst job in the world, what on Earth are you good at? I didn’t even know you had a job there, but I laugh at you, Oderus Urungus!

Chickenfoot bassist says new Chickenfoot album has ‘more meat.’ PETA are gonna have a blast with this band.

Alice In Chains are working on new music. That’s not the only bad news, they also use Heart‘s Ann Wilson as their PR agent. Ann called their new music ‘amazing,’ so that should give you a hint about her taste in music.

Sepultura‘s new album, Kairos, sold 2,500 copies in the U.S. in its first week of release. That’s 700 copies more than Megadeth‘s Peace Sells reissue. MAJORLOLZ.

And finally, Anthrax‘s upcoming studio effort, Worship Music, has a pre-order bundle ready. You know what that means? It means that if you pre-order it, you get a bundle of joy in your life. I’m as funny as Lady Gaga‘s small penis.


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