15
Apr

Friday Top 10: Best hair styles

Yup, you read that right, we’re changing shit up a bit this week, we’re going fashion conscious on your asses. Forget Vogue, it’s time for Dose of Fashion! Don’t worry though, you know this is Dose of Metal really and we’re not about to sell out (well, not unless it’s going to get us millions like Metallica).

Ok, so it’s a little vain, but here we are. We’ve done best tattoos and best looking guitars, so why not best looking Metal hair? Get your Friday Top 10 after the jump!

#10 – Chester Bennington

Linkin Park are known for being one of the most original and cutting edge Metal bands of the last 15 years, with such inspirational lyrics as “shut up when I’m talking to you”, but it’s not just the music that’s great. Lead vocalist, Chester Bennington has also sported some fantastic hair styles. My personal favorite has got to be the classic mohawk . It would be higher in my list, but unfortunately it kind of resembles a limp penis. 

#9 – Jared Leto

Multi-talented actor/songwriter/musician Jared Leto creates some of the most outstanding music ever. I reckon he also must like crackers, otherwise why else would he dress up as a parrot? Jared makes the list, because pink is my favorite color, as it’s the color of pussy… cats, such as Choo-Choo from Top Cat.

#8 – Brian Fair

Brian Fair known as the long haired dude from Shadows Fall has some epic dreads on the go. Shadows Fall were one of those bands that were pretty big for all of 15 minutes back when the Metalcore fad was in full swing, now the only thing in ‘full swing’ is Brian’s hair each time he turns his head. He gets bonus points for escaping the need for a towel after a shower, since his hair can do that for him, but loses a couple since I imagine he will get his hair stuck in doors all the time. Plus surely the ends get pretty dirty? He must drag them through dog shit and all sorts when he’s out and about.

#7 – Joey Belladonna

Anthrax‘s Joey Belladonna has helped create some awesome timeless music, but that’s not the only thing that’s timeless. Joey’s fashion style may not have changed since the 1980s, but that’s only because his style is so timeless. Which male doesn’t look at that hair and instantly get jealous by its sheer awesomeness? The fringe alone earns Joey his spot in this brilliant top 10.

#6 – Greg Tribbett

You know, Greg Tribbett of Mudvayne and Hellyeah! has so many great styles, I just can’t decide which is my favorite. I mean the redneck biker look works on so many different levels, yet the ‘paint my face red and make my hair look a like a thousand dildos’ also works equally well. His hair is nearly as great as his music with Hellyeah!

#5 – Shane Embury

Shane Embury of Napalm Death has got to be one of the baldest baddest mofos around. He’s so Metal, he doesn’t give a shit about reseeding hairlines or going bald, he’ll just keep growing his hair anyways. That my friends, is how you age with grace.

#4 – Wayne Static

Wayne Static is notable for being the only entrée in this list who has hair that resembles an erect cock. Not that I’m saying it’s a bad thing, mind. I wish I could get my hair to stand on end like that. Perhaps I need to see something really frightening first before I can get it to do that. You know, like in the cartoons? I tried watching Lady Gaga’s newest video, as I heard that was pretty scary, but the only thing that stood on end was my penis.

#3 – Axl Rose

Gingers of the world, forget about those gingerphobes, because I’m here to tell you, ginger is in. Just look at the evidence, there’s Hayley Williams, erm that ginger chick off Doctor Who, and then the coolest ginger of them all, Axl Rose, the legendary vocalist of Guns N’ Roses. The huge amount of time and effort that must have gone into styling those cool braids, each of which have been colored alternatively between red, blonde and, of course, ginger, certainly pays off. I’d try styling my hair the same, but I fear I’m just not cool enough to be able to pull it off.

#2 – Devin Townsend

Devin Townsend is so Metal, his hair is running away from his head. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s not a reseeding a hairline, that’s what is known as a killer hairdo. I envy Devin, if I had awesome hair like that, I probably wouldn’t still be a virgin. Unfortunately, Devin’s gone and shaved the head now, but a shaved head isn’t always bad, as can be seen by…

#1 – Kerry King

Poor old Kerry, suffering from the sting of male baldness is most man’s worst nightmare, yet most of us will have to deal with it eventually. Not to worry though, because if you can’t grow it, just DRAW it! Kerry’s so badass he doesn’t need hair, he’ll just get a tattoo of a skull or something. And for that reason, and its shear originality and imagination, Kerry gets the top spot for “Best hair style” with his, erm, lack of hair.


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