A7X: The Movie

Avenged Sevenfold, the guys whose shortened name sounds like a fucking Boeing plane, are gonna be on Cinemax. On those soft core porn movies they show at night, where the girl is screaming but if you look closely, you can see that the guy is actually limp and the bitch is just jumping on nothing and pretending to have an orgasm (very reminiscent of my girlfriend), you ask? No, but that’s what we thought, too. Great minds really do think alike, huh?

BTW, how ’bout that 3D porn that’s on the web? Pretty cool stuff… Only you need those dorky red/blue glasses, which remind me of the 70s. Now, I’m not one to back away from some vintage porn with so much pubic hair, it reminds me of the jungle in Predator 1, but there’s something about seeing a red/bluey bitch sucking a mean dick that’s just off to me.

But where were we… Ah yes… So this crap band is gonna be on Cinemax, but no boobies (unless you count the lead singer’s mantits), so really, why is this even news? Anyways, it’s some series called “Max Tour Stories” or whatever, blah blah blah… You can go here and read more about it, but if you do, you don’t deserve children.

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