2
Oct

Weak Recap: Just the two of us

We haven’t done a recap the last two weekends, mainly because we’re lazy as shit. But this Sunday we’re back, with a vengeance! Unfortunately it’s just Mark and I, so we’re gonna make this pretty lame.

A lot has happened in the past week. We’ve had some contests, begged people to write for us, even got one to actually write for us, that sort of thing.

This is me interviewing Mark, just Mark, no one else but Mark. I’ll stop now, before I start sounding like a Will Smith song.

Make the jump and witness the Gods of metal blogging talking to each other.

Mark being all excited at his favorite metal show

Alex: Hi Mark, how are you?
Mark: Not bad, thanks, but could be better though, I guess. My right arm hurts, which probably means I’ve been masturbating too much.

Alex: Is it gay that it’s just the two of us doing this?
Mark: Well, if two men want to sit in a room together, alone, chat about masturbation and a little metal, and people want to call it “gay”, then let them. No, actually, it is a bit gay. Where’s everyone else? You told me there would be other people, and now I think you’ve tricked me into a date. I mean, what’s with the candles and Barry Manilow music?

Alex: I’ll get right to it… One of our contests ended last week. The other two ended today. Do you feel our readers deserve so many contests?
Mark: Well, as far as the contests go, I should have entered. I can barely afford to wash myself right now, and I could do with some free shit.

Alex: Speaking of our readers, we’re planning on making some write for us. Is that even a good idea?
Mark: I think that’s a great idea. I was planning on giving a gay speech about us being inclusive with our our fans, offering something back for all their support, but to be honest, I’m just in favor of anything that means I can watch more porn and write less.

Alex: We already had a first post from a new writer. He made fun of Korn. Epic win?
Mark: Yes, that was a good start for Adam actually. Looking forward to more of his posts. Hopefully he makes fun of Korn some more, because they’re really, really, really shit.

Alex: Machine Head are releasing vinyls now… Is this the 20s? Who the fuck buys music and doesn’t just illegally download it?
Mark: Ha, I like buying music. Here in the UK, Machine Head’s new album Unto the Locust was released as a special fan pack, with loads of ‘free’ shit. I actually buy into that stuff. Vinyls though? The quality is unquestionably superior, but I won’t blast anyone who prefers their MP3s.

Alex: Metallica got pwnd by Yahoo!. Triple pwnage, even. You wrote about it, so what are your thoughts?
Mark: My thoughts are, that the list was obviously a crock of shit. The readers that commented on the story pretty much echoed my sentiments. A lot of those albums are damn good, or are just ‘average’ by the artist in question’s standards. Problem is, I then read some of my Friday Top 10’s afterwards and realized I’ve been equally ‘controversial’ before, so who am I to judge? Speaking of Load, Reload and St Anger though. They most definitely are not the worst metal albums ever and I doubt any metalhead would ever seriously suggest they are.

Alex: Speaking of Metallica, it was the anniversary of Cliff’s death a few days ago. Do you think they would have been a different band with him still in it?
Mark: I guess so. I’m a true believer in the theory that each member of a band matters, and once a member is replaced, a different path is taken. Who can say what direction the band would have headed down with Cliff still in the band? And Justice For All is a phenomenal record, however, so I don’t really buy into any theory that suggests the band softened without Cliff.

Alex: Do you think I’m awesome?
Mark: As awesome as chips.

Alex: Do you think Polish politicians are awesome?
Mark: I don’t know anything about Polish politicians, but if they can use death metal music in political adverts, then they must be.

Alex: I know Ozzy is no Bruce Dickinson, but Shatner is awful, right?
Mark: Right. I’m actually shocked he’s got this far and even has Zakk Wylde on board. Arnold Schwarzenegger could probably be a better singer. Hell, I bet Guido is a better singer.

Alex: Did you like the lil’ Photoshop I did on that post?
Mark: Ha, I actually did. How many classes did you have to take in order to create such an amazing Photoshop job?

Alex: Back to more Metallica news, cause they take over metal news all the time, god dammit… Scott Ian’s post about Cliff’s death was way too long, right?
Mark: Too long? I gave up reading it after 20 seconds, so I guess that answers the question.

Alex: James Hetfield hints that the kicking of the dead horse that is the Big Four may come to an end. Do you believe him?
Mark: I believe him as much as I believe God created the earth in 7 days.

Alex: I am amazing… Do you believe me?
Mark: I believe you as much as I believe God created the earth in 7 days.

Alex: What’s your thought on mature porn?
Mark: The older the better. I also like mature women in real life as I find the older ones can’t run away quite so fast.

Alex: What about Lulu? Lars thinks it’s awesome!
Mark: Lars also thinks St Anger is awesome. I’ll take his comments with a grain of salt, thanks.

Alex: Chris wrote a Judas Priest Top 10. You wrote a Black Sabbath one. Be honest, is his article better than yours?
Mark: No one’s articles are ever better than mine. I’m pretty much God. Chris’ Top 10 was good, though. People moan when obvious choices are left out (‘Breaking the Law’ in this example), but how boring are predictable top 10 lists? Variety is the spice of life.

Alex: Do you fancy a night with Rob Halford?
Mark: Only if he’s paying and he’s willing to wine and dine me first.

Alex: Hmm, that’s about it.. Unless you have something else to add…
Mark: AIDS.

Alex: Describe yourself to our readers in 4 words.
Mark: Awesome, brilliant, fantastic, sexy.

Alex: Alright man, thanks for doing this and see you around!
Mark: Cheers, and thanks for the wonderful evening


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