I don’t know about you, but I love seeing bands live. When I do see them live, I don’t just sit somewhere and headbang, I watch the show. If I want to act like a retard, I do it at home, or in a designated club… When I see a band live, I literally want to see them live, want to watch them play the songs that I love.
Sounds like a sensible approach, but it’s pretty hard doing it with all the fucking obnoxious people around you.
Unfortunately, the genre of music we all know and love attracts a lot of posers, people who go to festivals mainly to ‘check in’ on foursquare and take a few photos for Facebook. They are there to impress others, they don’t even know the band well. Those people get in my way, as do people who act like fucking retards and simply have no respect for the people around them.
Tonight, let us explore ten stereotypical annoying concertgoers. You’ve all seen them, you’ve all been annoyed by them. If these things don’t ring true, news flash: YOU ARE THE OBNOXIOUS ONE!
Let’s make the jump, shall we?
#10 – Going to a concert wearing that band’s t-shirt
I’m gonna start with something that doesn’t annoy me per se, I just find it really lame. If you go see AC/DC, there is no need for you to wear an AC/DC shirt. We get it, you’re a fan, otherwise you wouldn’t be there. Dress normally and shut the fuck up.
This does not apply to festivals where dozens of bands are playing. This is only for standalone concerts from big bands. You do not need to show us you’re a fan, seeing you there is enough of a confirmation. The only exception is when people are part of the official fanclub, and wear the fanclub shirt to recognize each other and meet up. That’s a different story.
I know a lot of people do this, so I’m probably in the minority, but I think it’s lame.
#9 – Trying hard to make a statement
I hate people who try to look a certain way at concerts. Temporary hair dye, faux-hawk, fake tattoo sleeves, that sort of thing.
If you really look like that in day to day life, by all means, go ahead. But if you usually look like a nerd and wear normal clothes, and then come to a concert dressed up like a fucking villain from Robocop, guess what? You’re not fooling anybody, poser.
Concerts are supposed to be about the music, it’s not fucking Halloween.
#8 – Holding banners
Like I don’t have enough spam when I browse the internet, now I gotta see real life popup ads in the crowd too, huh?
No one cares if you bought a spray paint and wrote a quirky line about the band. Literally no one. But there are a handful of people whose view is blocked by your piece of shit.
Next kid who holds a banner up in front of me will get a rectal examination from my shoe.
#7 – Bringing your family to the front
Yo, Peter Griffin! If you come to a show with your fat wife and three failed abortions, you should either: a) stand back or b) be aware of the craziness
One time I was standing behind one older couple, and the crazies behind me were pushing and shoving. The ‘husband’ turned to me and asked me to ‘stop it,’ as if I was the one shoving. I told him to look behind me and see how it’s not my fault, and he kept going on and on about how he’s with his wife. Then he finally left, giving me the stink eye.
What the fuck? Like I was happy about bumping into those fossils. If you want to take your family out ‘for the evening,’ get seated tickets, don’t come in the front rows, or simply join the madness. I am not too happy about being pushed around by a couple of dumbasses either, but I’m not gonna blame the guy behind me if there are 20 people behind us doing all the pushing.
#6 – Holding a girl on your shoulders
Hey, I know you want some action tonight, but I didn’t pay money to see a girl’s back for 2 hours.
I’m 6′ 4″, so maybe this is just me being inconsiderate towards short people, but blocking people’s views because your girl ‘can’t see anything’ is the most narcissistic thing you can do.
I actually witnessed a girl getting dragged down from her boyfriend’s shoulders at a Judas Priest concert. It was pretty awesome. The guy who did it was pretty short, too. I love it when midgets fight.
#5 – Headbanging with your long hair
Yo Pocahontas, I get that you let your hair grow like a bitch to try to look cool while moshing, but I did not come to the show to get a mouthful of your dirty hair.
If you want to shake that mop around, do it somewhere where there are no people around you.
Next guy to hit me in the face with his hair gets the Anselmo haircut…
#4 – Being chubby and crowd surfing
Like mentioned earlier, I’m pretty big. Even at my thinnest, I was close to 200 pounds. Some people are simply heavy, because of nature and appetite. It happens.
Do not fucking crowd surf if that’s the case. I never did, even though I’m curious what it’s like.
Some guy about my size fell and kneed me in the face while doing so, simply because he was crowd surfing, and the little bitches behind me couldn’t hold him, so the dude fell on me.
Who picks these guys up, I wonder?
If you’re a hot girl, please do crowd surf. I always cop a feel. Always.
#3 – Hitting other people
I don’t mean it in a violent way, I’m strictly talking about people who kick, shove, push, and even punch other people in the crowd, people who are clearly not into the whole ‘moshing’ thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I do expect a hit here and there if I’m in front, but some people are simply pushing it. They use fists and elbows, and they’re doing it on people who are simply there to watch the band.
One time I got elbowed quite hard, and I couldn’t even catch the fucker who did it. That was the last time I went to a Jonas Brother concert.
#2 – Heckling the band
If you boo, hiss, or do other crap while a band you don’t like is playing, you’re a fucking retard. Plain and simple.
I hate a lot of bands too, and if you read this site, it should be common knowledge by now. But if I don’t like a band, I simply don’t watch them. If it’s a festival, I grab a hot dog, get a beer, get as far as possible from the stage and talk to my friends.
Why would you be in the crowd if you don’t want to see the band? Why would you not respect them, regardless of what type of music they make? Remember: They are rich and famous because they’re successful doing what they love to do. They also get laid a lot. They win at life, you fail.
Come to think of it, maybe that’s why you heckle a band. Let out your own frustrations. Shit, I got it all wrong… Maybe I’ll heckle the next gay band that plays here, too.
Godsmack, be warned!
#1 – Throwing stuff
I will never understand this. They throw shit on stage, they try to hit other people in the crowd, what kind of a zoo have you escaped from, ape?
At the U.K. Sonisphere, I heard people peed in cups and then threw them. Picture that. I witnessed a shoe being thrown, it hit some dude in the face.
Seriously, this is the worst thing you can do at a show, I wonder why the crowd doesn’t attack the guy, surely people around him can see it.
Next guy who throws shit at a concert should get publicly circumcised by Michael J. Fox.