17
Jul

Weak Recap: We’re with stupid

Aren’t we all a bit stupid at times? You just do something and then get your stupid on. It just happens. And I can’t blame you, for I write for a stupid blog myself with my fellow stupid writers.

Some bassists people do really stupid stuff though. Stuff that is so immensely stupid that you can’t do anything but shake your head and start pointing fingers. Two of those stories are topic to this week’s edition of Weak Recap.

But don’t take my word for it. Make the jump to read Dose of Metal’s recapitulation of the past week. Someone’s got to do it and point fingers.

Pure coincidence.

Guido: How’s it going, guys?
Alex: It’s going great, thanks for asking… Cunt.
Mark: Great as always thanks, my life can’t get any better.

Guido: To get right into two TMZ stories, let’s talk about Michael Todd and Nick Oliveri. Todd threatened to blow up a store to feed his addiction for pain killers. Oliveri held his girlfriend as a hostage for two hours and got into a four-hour standoff with a freaking S.W.A.T. team. It just can’t be a coincidence that they’re both bassists, can it?
Alex: Wasn’t Oliveri kicked out of QOTSA because Josh had heard he beat the living crap out of his girlfriend? I wonder what gave Josh that idea, he’s obviously a sweetheart.
Mark: A coincidence? Nah it’s got to be that all bassists are assholes or something.

Guido: Todd and Oliveri probably won’t play the bass for a long time. Is that a loss?
Alex: I actually liked Oliveri’s bass playing. It added a lot to QOTSA’s sound, especially in songs like ‘No One Knows.’ I always felt bad about him not being in that band anymore. This news pretty much confirms Josh was right so I doubt he’ll ever be back.  Oh well, I’ll live. Mark won’t, cause he has testicle cancer.
Mark: Actually it turned out it was just blue balls, not testicle cancer. Alex, your mom needs to stop being such a tease and just blow me. On the topic of conversation though, no, it’s not really much of a loss. Coheed and Cambria think they’re progressive, but they’re just gay. QOTSA I grew bored of a long ass time ago.

Guido: In Big Four related news (Oh, how I’m already getting sick of this Big Four crap), Metallica made Anthrax worship music and they finally released the artwork for their new album. About fucking time?
Alex: Yeah, I like how Metallica are their bosses now. I wonder how many coffees Scott Ian had to get for Lars and Jaymz. I’m thinking: A LOT.
Mark: A buck says Worship Music will be better than the Loutallica craptallica album.

Guido: Another one of the Big Snore, Megadeth, played a new song live. Is it good? I was too busy to listen to it.
Alex: I need to hear the studio recording of it. It’s obviously gonna suck live.
Mark: Did I post this? No I didn’t even bother listening to it. Professionalism FTW! In my defence though, I hate fan recorded live footage.

Guido: Also, Dave doesn’t kick ass, he kicks face. The dude’s got a black belt, do you guys want to fight him? And no, I won’t have your back.
Alex: He never looked too threatening to me. No gingers ever did. If he attacked me, I’d simply say stuff like “Kirk is better than you” and “Metallica rocks!” and that would just make him cry and back off.
Mark: I’d just remind him about Jesus and what he would do in this situation, and he’ll back off easily enough. I heard Jesus was a pussy and wasn’t into the whole violence thing.

Guido: This week, we’ve had a couple of doses of metal. Some were random, some just strictly for one day, some weekly and some live. Overdose?
Alex: Yeah, we definitely went overboard with that crap. I blame Mark.
Mark: I blame Alex. I used to do the weekly dose, and then I blinked and he posted 4,243 doses. Fuck it though, we are called Dose of Metal.

Guido: Talking about overdosing, I drank a bit too much yesterday and now have the shits. What’s the perfect music to listen to while you’re sitting on the toilet?
Alex: Nu-metal. Get it? Cause it’s also shit. Haha, I’m priceless.
Mark: Hannah Montana.

Guido: Van Halen are still making music? Really?
Alex: Who?
Mark: I won’t be listening to it.

Guido: And, in keeping with the Van Halen news piece, how is the drummer of Sevendust able to judge quality music? That’s an oxymoron, isn’t it? Or is he just a moron without the oxy?
Alex: You’re throwing words at me that I don’t understand. I can come up with silly words also, you foxycrapper! AMERICAN, DO YOU SPEAK IT?
Mark: Lulz Alex is teh dumbo.

Guido: A couple of days ago, I professed my love to drumming in a short rant. Do you guys think anyone watched any of the videos but the Nyan Cat drum cover? It’s all about Nyan Cat, isn’t it?
Alex: I’m pretty sure no one did, except me. The Nyan Cat is amazing. We should interview it or something.
Mark: I watched them all, do I get some sort of prize or medal?

Guido: This week also marked the return of Metal Kino. Do you agree that watching documentaries about metal can be a big part of being a metalhead? I’m not saying that you have to watch documentaries to be a metalhead, but trying to understand everything about this topic can only help, right?
Alex: Wrong.
Mark: I don’t really watch documentaries. In fact I don’t watch anything educational, just porn and Power Rangers.

Guido: And finally, let’s talk about this week’s Top 10. Mark, I absolutely loved it and agree with most of it, if not all of it. How much time and thought did you put into it and, Alex, what’s your take on this Top 10?
Alex: It’s obviously inferior to my Top 10, but that’s only because Mark is, overall, inferior as a human being.
Mark: Alex is pretty gay, plus he can’t even count. Last week’s “top 1o” was a top 15, and he just used to lame 5 runner ups excuse to justify it. But thanks man, in answer to your question, it actually took fucking ages, which I didn’t expect it to. I spent hours writing and researching it.

Guido: So that’s all we’ve got for this week. Until next week, go fuck yourselves.
Alex: Ok. 🙁
Mark: I can’t, I’m not big enough 🙁


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